


In which David Rose must submit to the ordeal of being vulnerable

by artsyspikedhair



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Anxious David Rose, Childhood Sexual Abuse, David Rose's Past, Episode: s06e02 The Incident, M/M, Season/Series 06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:09:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29179257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyspikedhair/pseuds/artsyspikedhair
Summary: David Rose did not handle vulnerability well, but there was a discussion he knew he and Patrick needed to have soon.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	In which David Rose must submit to the ordeal of being vulnerable

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this work contains discussion of childhood sexual abuse  
> Bolded are quotes from the show  
> Italics are thoughts  
> Do not read unless you've watch at least up to season 6 episode 6 or don't mind spoilers.  
> If anyone wants a sequel I would consider making this multi chaptered but I doubt inspiration will strike again on its own so comment if you have ideas.

**“it's just that my truth is that I am damaged goods”**

Patrick wanted David to trust him. Patrick had a woman that would have married him. David - why would Patrick want David over that woman, who he apparently had an on-again-off-again relationship with since high school? Why would Patrick want David to trust if not to shatter that trust later, after David already had a gigantic cookie for his trouble? But no, David needed time, and Patrick was a mensch - he gave David not only time, but also gifts, and the knowledge that he wasn’t taking the out David gave him. Patrick, for reasons David did not yet understand, wanted him.

**“I've been burned so many times, I'm basically the human equivalent of the inside of a roasted marshmallow.”**

Love was not something David believed in, not for years. David didn’t love, he enjoyed spending time with people, or he tolerated other people operating under the assumption that he loved them (even his family fit under that last category), or he - David didn’t know what love was, other than something that supposedly was necessary to keep a relationship going. Yet with Patrick, for some reason, David found himself understanding for the first time what was meant by the phrase falling in love - mostly because David had been skydiving before and knew that excitedly scared feeling in his chest was similar to falling - and found himself uttering those three words to someone other than Mariah Carey and her five-octave range. 

**“Oh my God, David, did you wet the bed?“**

David thought that nothing could be worse than waking up in a bed covered in urine as a child, shamefully calling the maid in to change his sheets for him. The embarrassment was only second to the nights he’d wake up screaming from night terrors and half recalled experiences.

He did not think that first particular nighttime problem would follow him into adulthood. Not after all the therapy and processing he had done that successfully made his night terrors a thing of the past. But bodies are slower at healing than brains are, and David woke up as an adult in his fiancé’s bed, with the unfortunately familiar sensation he desperately wanted to believe was something other than urine.

His reaction was not exactly a calm one

**“Okay, does that window open? Because I'm about to jump out of it!”**

David didn’t mean that. But his mind felt like he really was free-falling, as he thought about all the different ways Patrick could find to make fun of him for this, or make this a thing, or - David needed to shower, and when he came out, he thought he was okay until Patrick said something or did something that reminded David of what an unsanitary disgusting failure he was, unable to control his body or what happened to it and then he would shower again. At least Patrick couldn’t really abandon him, not when they had the store.

The store was one thing under David’s control, and he organized it. He dusted it. He dealt with merchandise, and cleaned because that was something he could do right, and as long as his body was kept busy with tasks and he could avoid drinking, he could avoid thinking about what caused his problems, and how Patrick needed to be informed about what a wreck he got involved with…

**“** **David, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, okay?”**

But then Patrick revealed something that was also somewhat childlike that he had to do at night, and then the tone was too light for David to explain what happened and why excitement was an emotion he desperately tried to avoid. _ Next time _ , David thought, _ if there is ever a next time, I’ll tell him then. _

**“I've been told I'm… very young at heart.”** David had been told that, often not in those words. More in the sense of immature, and he would agree with that assessment internally, all the while knowing he had been through something most children never went through.

Patrick scared David normally, the sort of fear that always comes with love for him now that he somewhat believes that love exists because love means excitement and excitement ends in being taken advantage of, only David had given Patrick enough chances to hurt him that were never taken to know logically he shouldn’t be scared. Unfortunately, despite years of therapy, his body still didn’t process emotion logically.

Then there was Patrick high on anesthesia. And David knew this amazing button of a man would never hurt him intentionally, but that didn’t quell his fear as he was held in place by his more athletic boyfriend, who would not stop talking.

**“Imagine us right now, but just with a little baby.”** No, David could not have a little baby. David could not ever have a child, David could not handle being around children without remembering himself as a child, a young affection-starved child who learned early on what strings were attached to said affection, and eventually learned to hate it, hate being touched, and David was being touched, being held in place similarly to how that horrible horrible cousin held him after Moira was passed out and nobody would notice David missing. Not that anyone would notice any missing Rose child, not after Alexis spent six months kidnapped. David both eagerly awaited and dreaded those parties as a child, as from the ages of six to ten those parties always ended with the adults having fun and David being trapped. David would never want another child trapped, and he did not trust himself to raise one, even with Patrick, the amazing sweet Patrick that knew his humor was his armor and not only allowed it to stay up, but tested it with wits of his own. Patrick would’ve made an amazing dad.

Patrick would have to be informed of what he said - they needed to have that talk.

**“It was a little triggering. Traumatizing.”**

David hated using the words he learned from therapy, hated any reminder that he ever needed therapy, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t told Patrick as much. Yet Patrick was still here, David marveled. Would Patrick still be there when David revealed just how damaged he was? David didn’t know, only that conversation would have to happen.

And then they went over to Jake’s for a whiskey, and David felt a swooping ugly sense of deja vu. David needed out, too many people, needed to leave, why weren’t they leaving, why was Stevie here, why why why…

“David? David, you good?” Patrick was there in the hallway, finally noticing how David looked terrified and almost ill, almost shaking in his leather jacket, and Patrick knew David had anxiety but he had never seen the man like this. David shook his head, not okay, looks too much like their mansion, too much too much-

“Don’t!” Patrick had just laid his hand on David’s shoulder, thinking it might calm the man, but instead, for the first time since they became a couple, David actually flinched.

“David, I- I’m sorry for seeming so interested in Jake, he really isn’t all that handsome, certainly no comparison to the Jewish Channing Tatum I have right here.”

“Thank you, but that’s not it. Can we please, please just leave and go back to your place? I have something I need to tell you, and I think it will be better if alcohol is involved.”

“Okay, of course.” The two walked back to Patrick’s deathtrap of a car and rode together to his apartment, the only sounds being the car’s unruly engine and David’s shaky breathing. David had to tell, and this time he was telling someone outside his family, he never even told Stevie this despite both crying themselves to sleep after sleeping together. Patrick was different. David could always walk back to the motel in the dead of night and cry himself to sleep without Alexis knowing - she slept like the dead.

“We’re here, c’mon in, take your jacket off.”

“No I’d rather keep it on if it’s okay with you. _ ” Damn, David must be feeling really vulnerable if he needs his jacket on top of his sweater, _ Patrick thought to himself. He sat on the couch, and David did as well, only instead of curling next to Patrick, David curled against the arm of the couch, slipping his shoes off and holding his knees to his chest. “This needs to happen,” David muttered to himself, hating how serious a conversation would have to be.

“Patrick, you know I- I don’t like parties with large groups of people.” Patrick nodded as David’s eyes darted towards him, focusing not on the man himself but on the shirt with the uncomfortable sleeve length. “And I - I don’t exactly have a good track record with relationships, or - or the concept of love.”

“I know, and I love you anyway.”

“Yeah, I love you too, that’s not what this is about. There’s just something I feel like you should know about me, and it’s not - not an easy thing to talk about. It’s also kind of related to the - y’know, the nighttime problems I have. I - when I was young, my family would have parties, and my dad would invite those of his family that lived near New York, and I loved my cousins, so I’d always be really excited. They were the only people in my family that were really affectionate, and one of my cousins - who ironically is also named Jacob, although he always went by the full first name - was about six years older than me, and  _ really _ liked me.” 

David dared a glance up at Patrick’s face, which was full of the slightly amused confusion he usually showed when David shared about his past, and god David wished this was the kind of story he could make nonchalant, after all, his own mother and sister both seemed to think it was no big deal, considering how they never even told his dad. “Patrick, can we open the wine? I need wine while I whine, mmkay?”

“Kay,” and the weight next to David was gone as his partner crossed the apartment to open the Manischewitz. 

“So, as I was saying, my family took any and every occasion to have a party - birthdays, Christmas (even though we’re Jewish), Rosh Hashanah, even obscure holidays like the Ides of March because my mom thought since she played a small role in Julius Caesar she was honorarily Roman. And these cousins came to a lot of these parties, which was great because I always got gifts. Only I remember on my sixth birthday, Jacob told me he had a special gift for me. My mom had already passed out and my dad was schmoozing with business people, so nobody was paying much attention to me anymore since it was nighttime, so I went with Jacob because he was my cousin and I loved him.” David sniffled, trying and failing to stop himself from crying. “The gift was a massage, only it was a full-body massage, and I - I was somewhat touch-starved, my parents were never really around and Alexis didn’t want to play with a boy, so I liked it. And then, every party after that one, at night, Jacob would find me. Eventually it wasn't just massages anymore, and I stopped loving all of my cousins, even the ones who were actually nice to me. And when I tried to fight Jacob because he hurt me, I mean you know as well as anyone how bad sex can be when you don’t like it, he’d go yelling to our dads, and mine would yell at me and I didn’t have the words to explain what was happening.”

“David, that’s not - nothing I did with Rachel is at all comparable to that - I - I’m so sorry that happened to you. Did your dad ever find out?”

“No, but Alexis walked in on us when I was ten and told my mother. She just put me in therapy and started making Alexis stay near me at parties. They didn’t care and think it’s funny I supposedly lost my virginity when I was ten. I mean if it hadn’t happened to me I guess it might be funny in a bizarre, nobody-expects-kissing-cousins-in-New-York kind of way.”

“That’s not funny. That would never be funny. And your mom still let your dad invite these people?”

“Yeah, after all, my dad doesn’t know.” David sipped his wine, exhausted at finally telling someone other than a therapist about his past. “Anyway, that was the beginning of my nighttime oopsie-daisies, and also why I put up with a string of relationships with people who didn’t care about me. Getting hurt hurts less when you never loved them at all.”

“I know, and I promise whenever I hurt you, I will find ways to make it up to you.”

“You’re an actual mensch, Patrick Brewer.”

“I have no idea what that means, but thank you.”


End file.
